Here is yet another 6 from my NaNoWriMo novel from this year, The Rogue, wholly raw and unedited. This is a new scene not yet featured on 6SS and as I read it back I realise it’s a good example of the bad practice of changing POV within a paragraph in a 3rd person narrative. I remember starting this with the intention of writing from Travis’s point of view and it quickly changed to that of the already seated passenger. Hmm. Work is needed. See what you think.
Travis boarded the train with his pals and the six of them immediately took over a booth area of the train where a man was already sitting against the window. The boys were so loud other passengers immediately felt uncomfortable in their presence. The man beside the window ignored them and continued gazing out the window at whatever could prevent him making eye contact with the obnoxious louts who had just invaded his personal space. He wasn’t dressed up today. In fact he was incognito, doing an exercise to prove a point. He wanted to travel the city’s public transport system as a relatively poor man, a sharp contrast to his true lifestyle..
To catch up on my previous Six Sunday posts, Click Here.
Check out more great Six Sentence Sunday authors and their amazing contributions at http://www.sixsunday.com/.