A Bottle of With Iron!

Did you know? Iron in our diet isn’t meant for haemoglobin after all. No. In this increasingly narcissistic society iron apparently has a far more desirable quality than carting life-giving oxygen around our fat and not-so-little bodies. A while ago at my city train station a bunch of pretty girls were frantically handing out free bottles of “With Iron!” to each and every peak hour traveller. The fancy and comparatively fine print above the screaming words “With Iron!” stated that it was in fact orange juice with iron. Good to know.

So the creators of the label on the bottle, ie marketing people, obviously thought we’d take it for granted that it was orange juice but really (really, really!) wanted us to know it contained iron. Okay, we get it. And most of us also know it should help carry oxygen to all part of our bodies as a key part of haemoglobin and therefore we should buy more of this stuff.

These marketing people were screaming at me! Okay, it’s got iron, but why scream it so loudly? Something you’re not telling me, Mr. Marketer? Let’s look up the food additive codes and find out where the iron is, shall we? Orange juice, no surprise there. Sugar, again, no surprise. Preservative, no iron in there… miscellaneous iron-free compound #1… until we find something called ferrous something-or-other. Bingo! And what is its function in my bottle of not-so-pure orange juice? Not, as one might expect, a haemoglobin booster, but – wait for it – a colour retention agent!

Nice one Mr. Marketer. Just pretend you put the iron in there for our benefit rather than lose sales because the orange juice isn’t orange!

But wait! We can pretend, too. Let’s pretend they sold orange juice with an iron-based colour retention agent because it does benefit their buyers. Imagine the sales pitches.

It could stop hair turning grey and it’s cheaper than Just-For-Men. Tastes better too.

Lady’s suntans will never fade if they drink 300 ml a day. Easier than a solarium and it won’t give them cancer – that we know of.

Have a swig before your next job interview and you can confidently lie through your teeth about all the profit you generated for your last employer by selling things in attractive ways that were of no benefit to the customer, knowing your cheeks won’t light up like a photographer’s darkroom.

Talking about photography, remember all those faded prints from last decade and beyond? Store them in Orange-Juice-With-Iron! and Auntie Edna will forever look the same.

On second thoughts, just drink it.

Okay, over to you. In which other situations could you use OJ With Iron! to retain that authentic hue?

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3 thoughts on “A Bottle of With Iron!

  1. Pingback: Metablog – My Love and Fear of Writing | Richard's Ramblings

  2. Richard Leonard Post author

    Yeah, the blog was a bit of a desert back then. Posts were rare and readers were even rarer. It was part of an experiment, the results of which are now known! I think there’s a post about that too, somewhere around May 2012. It’s more fun now that there are more readers! 🙂
    OJ on the plants! Nice one. I should have told my in-laws to put OJ on their fernery to save them from the 40C heat waves we’ve been having! 😉

    Reply

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